I have always been a pretty happy person...everyone has always said that...and I'm great at putting on a happy face :) BUT....I'm never really all that happy inside. There has always been something in my head putting me down…”you’re fat” “you need to lose weight” “you should be a better wife” “you didn’t need that cookie” “why didn’t you put a little more effort into that” “that could have been done sooner” whatever….I guess I “scold” myself a lot, and I didn’t really realize this until now. I’ve had these feelings since high school…and really probably earlier. So, am I really all that happy? I don’t think so. Sure, there are things that make me happy…but, I’m not a happy person inside….not like I want to be.
I always have a pretty crappy attitude, because of all the negativity in my head.
I reached an all-time low almost three years ago. I had just given birth to twins. I had a great pregnancy, no complications and the kids were healthy and perfect….I was not. I instantly felt like crap. It makes me cry to think about the feelings I had back then, before getting help…you can’t fully understand postpartum depression unless you’ve experienced it (I know, because I had no idea the severity of it before this) but it can put you through hell. Thankfully, my mom was staying with us to help with the babies (honestly, I think she was really there more because she knew I needed her, and her help) but she was there…and I’m so thankful that I am close enough with my mom that I could share the awful feelings I was having…I KNEW I didn’t really feel the way my head was telling me I did….guys…I wanted to give my kids away…I laid in bed one night thinking of everyone I knew, trying to find someone who would take them away from me…I shared that with her, and she encouraged me to do what I knew I needed to do….go get help. My doctor was/is amazing…and I got on medication that started helping me quickly….Things were finally starting to feel back to normal (mom of new baby normal anyway) and then I landed in the ICU for three days…Sepsis. I had NO IDEA that there was a huge infection brewing in my body even while I was pregnant…EVERY symptom I had, was nothing different than the symptoms of a new parent (who had a C-section) and was running low on sleep, and had just pegged herself with PPD. This was my low. Kids had acid reflux, I had PPD and was recovering from an infection, and there was NO vision of the future getting ANY better.
Honestly…things never really did get better until about 2 months ago. I mean, sure…the acid reflux went away, my meds were working fine for the PPD…but I just replaced those worries and problems with others. And, I didn’t realize until recently that I’ve been doing this my whole life. I’ve always had a hard time seeing the bright side of things…or seeing myself with a happy future. And, I shouldn’t …. I have an amazing family, and a loving, supportive husband, fantastic children and a caring church family…not to mention a warm , cozy home, reliable vehicle, more than enough food….all the necessities are covered…everything that should make me the happiest mother in the world…I have!
I was not the happiest that I could be though. I had a lot of work to do inside.
I’ve been trying too long to change my outside. And NO time focusing on change from the inside out.
After realizing this, everything is starting to make more sense.
I can’t give Beachbody the credit for the changes in my life. But, I can express how VALUABLE Beachbody has been as a tool for changing.
While researching some clean eating websites, I came upon a Facebook group called Clean Eating 101, and this group is led by my now good friend, Kelli. At the time, I had no idea that God was putting this in my path for a reason…
I joined the group, and got to know Kelli a little bit, and we clicked…honestly it’s still strange how much we have in common…but, she genuinely cared about my story…she was asking ME questions that no one asks me…and she really cared….I could tell through our conversation that she really wanted to hear what I was saying and wanted to help me figure things out. She wanted to know me. I needed that then. Kelli introduced me to Beachbody through one of her challenge groups. Yes, I really wanted to lose weight and get in shape…but, looking back…I joined for more than that. She promised new friendships, and results, support and motivation…and she delivered. She kept her promise and was my cheerleader the entire time. Not only through the challenge group, but through personal messages too.
I found a friend in Kelli…a friend that I really needed at that moment in my life…and I am still thanking God for that friendship that continues to grow.
When she asked me about coaching, I thought about it for a little bit…but, honestly I knew the second she mentioned it that it was something that I wanted to do!
Within a matter of days I was amazed at number of supportive & motivational women I was surrounded by. Had I seriously just become part of something this big? SO MUCH bigger than what I’d ever dreamed of?! I can say with honesty that I immediately felt like I had jumped into a whole new world, surround by dozens of new friends. I hadn’t felt this loved and accepted by others (with the exception of my family) in SO long.
Through these new friendships I started to notice something these women had in common…they had a relationship with God. They weren’t doing this for them, they were doing it to help others…and, they had solid relationships with God, and they shared that with others. I really haven’t had many godly friends outside of a few people from church. But, surrounding myself with these women….WOW! Eye Opener & Life Changer! Thank you Jesus for putting me in this spot at this time!
Ultimately, the reason things started to change for me…the reason I started to turn my life around…. It is all God. You can’t fully embrace the goodness of life without giving God all the credit. I have the support network, the family, and the children that I have because of Him.
So…WHY am I a Beachbody coach? What drives me to want to help others?
FRIENDSHIPS. For me it’s the friendships. I look to the other coaches on my team for support, and motivation, and encouragement. I can share my struggles with them and they celebrate with me when I have successes. And I want to be that person for someone else. For as many people as possible. I KNOW I’m not the only one who has been in the dark, looking for a reason to be happy….I if can be a friend to just one person, and help them realize all the awesome things there are to live for…my heart will be happy.
Now...through a refreshed relationship with Christ, I am happier and healthier FROM THE INSIDE OUT!